Forty years ago women earned much less money and had far fewer career options than men had. Hardly anyone asked why. It was simply accepted as the natural order of things. The first few courageous souls who did ask were given answers like this: "That's the way it's always been. They're female. They have hormones, PMS, menopause. They can't do math. They're not strong. They don't like to compete, they're not aggressive. They don't care about business and achievement. They just want to file their nails and eat bon-bons and watch soap operas all day. And shop. You can't change that." • Fortunately for everyone, the women's movement demanded more accurate, honest and insightful answers. Activists uncovered literally hundreds if not thousands if not millions of cultural, attitudinal, legal, quasi-legal, legislative, judicial, administrative, educational and media influences that were much more powerful than hormones or shopping in ensuring that women would earn less money and have fewer career options than men. And virtually every one of those forces could be and has been changed. Women today earn much more money than they used to. More importantly, they have many more options than previously for deciding how they will pursue happiness, fulfillment and meaning in their lives, how they will contribute to the well-being of their families, their communities and themselves. • Today the questions few ask are: Why are men so much more likely to be in jail than women? Why are men so much more likely than women to be absent from their children's lives? Why are young men the vast majority of our high school dropouts? Anyone who asks gets a puzzled look and an answer something like this: "That's the way it's always been. They're male, they have testosterone. They have that Male Ego. They can't express their feelings. They don't know how to cooperate; they only like to fight and compete. They're violent. They don't care about relationships, their families or their kids. They're impulsive, they don't think about the future. They just want to have sex and drink beer and watch football. You can't change that." • But we can. We can change a lot of it. If we proceed to do for men and boys even half of what we have done to give women and girls more options for being productive, successful and respected in their families, in their communities and in their own evaluations of purpose and self-worth, we will have a much healthier world than we have today. • I am a changemaker by accessing the halls of power and policy-making, asking the questions that need to be asked and pointing to possible new answers.
Spider Rock at Canyon de Chelly National Monument in Arizona USA. My first glimpse of truly dramatic southwestern US geology.
Imagine if, when Betty Friedan first wrote to call our attention to women's unhappiness and unhealthy behaviors, we had responded by helping them be better homemakers. They were telling us they wanted to focus less on the vacuum cleaner, not more. • Young men today are telling us they want for themselves the equal benefit of equal rights and opportunities between the sexes. They are telling us they want to spend less time with the cash register, not more. • The way to address the "disconnect between what society expects of them and what their environment can offer" is not change what their environment offers but to change what society expects of them. • How do we bring forth these youth as the change agents of their own futures? By asking them what they want and need, by probing beneath societal expectations of them to learn what they would really like to do if our expectations of them were not so narrow and restrictive. • The past thirty-five years, especially in the U.S. but also in other countries around the world, have constituted a massive and enthusiastic pep rally for girls and women. They have been powerfully encouraged, even exhorted, to accept no limitations placed on them by tradition, by sexist stereotypes, by men or by anyone or anything else. Pep rallies work; people tend to live up to expectations; people thrive and excel with support and encouragement. Women and girls are thriving in ways and places never seen before. • Men and boys are in desperate need of something similar. In 1991, the Greater Baltimore Commission for Men (GBCM), a small non-governmental group of social activists, staged a booth at the Fells Point Fun Festival in Baltimore. With its small budget, GBCM produced one thousand stickers that said, "Boys are Great!" and another thousand that said the same about men. They were the hit of the festival. Men smiled gratefully as they affixed stickers to their jackets, women thanked GBCM workers effusively for "finally" doing something nice for their sons and husbands. GBCM quickly exhausted its supply of these male-positive, male-affirming stickers. It seems clear that social and cultural appreciation of males has hardly improved in the past seventeen years and we might surmise that such simple things as stickers might have cost-effective effects on the way men and boys think and feel about themselves today. The potential for more elaborate and official celebrations of men and boys seems strong and well worth testing.
In 1983 I began a weekly radio show called "In a Man's Shoes," at a college station in Baltimore, Maryland USA. Though at first we talked mostly about love and relationship issues, it did not take long to realize that societal and cultural ideas of men, boys and masculinity have serious quality of life, sometimes life-and-death, implications. Since then I have been a freelance writer, author and activist specializing in men's gender issues. In 2005 I left my paying job in IT to go back to school for a Masters in Business Administration and a Masters in Social Work in hopes of being able to work on my passionate avocation full-time. I graduate in May 2008.
